Matt's Audio Letter of the Week

Hey, everyone, and welcome to this week's FBL — the Feel Better Letter.

This is Matt. Hope you’re having a great week.

The message I want to share today is really about avoidance — what drives it, and how it keeps us stuck.

If you're dealing with fear in some capacity — some chronic state of lower emotions, whether that's anger, resentment, fear, guilt, shame, or pride — it’s important to understand what fuels avoidance. Because the reality is, if you’re reading this, you're likely engaging in it in some way.

If you were exactly where you wanted to be, this letter probably wouldn’t resonate with you. But if you're stuck in that place of saying, “I hate what I’m experiencing. I’m tired of waking up and dealing with this. I want to be better,” — and you feel frustrated that time has passed and you’re still in it — it’s likely that avoidance is standing in the way.

Avoiding what you need to confront. Avoiding what you need to feel. Avoiding the work that would actually help you move forward.

So, what drives avoidance?

I call it the Triad of Avoidance — three elements that work together and reinforce each other. Imagine a triangle: each side represents one of the core drivers.

The first is fear.
We fear feeling fear. We fear our projections of what might happen. We fear feeling certain emotions. We fear what people will think if we admit we're struggling. This fear is the first real pillar.

The second is desire.
When we’re in a state we don’t want to be in, we create desire for something else. For example, during a panic attack, we desperately want to feel peace. That desire to be somewhere else creates resistance to the present moment, which often perpetuates the discomfort. Someone who feels alone may desperately desire a relationship, and in doing so, resists and avoids the feeling of loneliness — which keeps them stuck in it.
What we resist persists. The only way out is through.

The third is pride.
Pride prevents us from admitting vulnerability. From acknowledging the guilt, shame, and fear we carry. Pride makes us say, “It’s not that bad,” or “Other people have it worse,” or “I’m managing just fine.” We might tell ourselves, “I’ve got this,” even when we don’t. But pride is a trap.
As the saying goes: “Pride comes before the fall.”
Pride keeps us from getting help, from admitting we don’t know what to do, from saying, “I’ve tried, and I haven’t been able to fix this on my own.”

So most of us unknowingly operate within this triad. We're afraid of our experiences, we desire to be somewhere else, and our pride keeps us from opening up — so we avoid.

But avoidance doesn’t always look like what you'd expect.
It can look like staying super busy: packing your schedule, grinding at work, doing anything and everything except being with yourself. You might say, “Now’s not a good time,” or “I’m too busy to deal with this,” or “I’ll get to it later.”

Avoidance can also look like binge-watching shows because they provide an escape — not because they make you feel good, but because you already feel bad and need relief.
It can show up as drinking, smoking, compulsively texting, endlessly scrolling social media. It’s anything that keeps you from sitting with your emotions, from confronting what you feel, from allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

The path forward is the opposite of avoidance.
It’s having the courage to feel.
The courage to drop the pride.
The courage to let go of desire and be present.
The courage to confront fear.

There is nothing courageous about avoidance. Most of us wouldn’t advise others to do what we ourselves are doing — we know it’s not the answer. We’d tell others, “Get help if you need it,” or “Don’t run from this.” And yet we avoid.

So today, I just wanted to shine some light on that pattern.
You’re not alone in it — we all experience this to some degree.
The real issue isn’t that it’s happening; it’s when we stay unaware and let it continue running the show. That’s what keeps us stuck with the same outcomes.

If you want different results, you have to move into courage and take the very steps you’ve been avoiding.

If this message resonated, and you're looking for support, check out TBC (Taking Back Control) at restoredminds.com/tbc. You can fill out an application there.

If you haven’t yet, a great place to start is by downloading the free book at restoredminds.com/book.

And if you know someone this message might help, do me a favor and forward it to them. Maybe they needed to hear this today — even if you didn’t.

Wishing you a great day and week ahead.
Looking forward to talking again soon.

— Matt