Matt's Audio Letter of the Week

Hey everyone, welcome to this week’s FBL, or Feel Better Letter.

This is Matt.
Hope you're having a great week.

Today, I want to talk about the paradox of surrender—and some of the conflict that I think comes up when people talk about surrendering and letting go.

When we talk about surrender, I think the immediate context that comes up for most people—especially those in states of fear—is resistance. These lower states of energy really tend to take over our lives. Whether you're experiencing frustration along with fear, or guilt along with fear, or you feel like you need to do compulsions all day… you can get caught up in a very compulsive or desirous state. Maybe there's shame that accompanies it, or even depression.

When you're in these lower states, one of the things that happens is you begin to fear the state itself—or the experiences that coincide with it. A lot of the thoughts that pop up from being in that particular emotional state—whether they're intrusive thoughts, hopeless thoughts—they just come up automatically.

The problem with surrender is that you begin to see these experiences as your “enemy,” as the problem, as the thing you’re battling. And that’s the context you interpret surrender through.

So what happens is, the idea of surrender becomes interpreted as giving up—like throwing in the towel.
“I’m going to stop fighting.”

But then, the fear kicks in:
“If I stop fighting, these things are going to take over. They’re going to win. I’m going to lose.”

And you falsely believe that the fighting is what’s keeping you going. That you’re surviving by fighting against the emotions, against the thoughts, through all the compulsions, all the controlling, all the reassurance-seeking—resisting, suppressing, avoiding triggers… the whole world that gets created when you're in battle with your inner experience.

Because you already see these things as your enemy—the thing you must overcome—surrender feels like succumbing.

And nothing could be further from the truth.

To continue with this metaphor, surrender is actually coming to the realization that you're in a river—and instead of fighting to paddle upstream, you start to go with the flow.

You realize that all your suffering wasn’t because you were in the river, but because you were paddling against it the whole time.

Surrender is saying, “Hey, I’m going to stop paddling upstream—and I’m going to go with what is.”

When you understand that all the emotions you're experiencing are already within you, you begin to see that one of the most crucial ways to transcend emotion is to let it go.

And fighting the emotion paradoxically keeps you stuck in it.

All the work you've been doing to mitigate, navigate, and overcome these emotions?
It’s often the very thing keeping you in them.

That’s one of the most profound realizations you can have on this journey:
The fight you think you’re in is the very thing keeping you in the battle.

It’s just a misperception.
You’re paddling upstream, when you could go with the current.

So what does going with the current look like?
What does surrender really mean?

Surrender means recognizing that these emotions are already in your system—your nervous system, your emotional tank, however you want to phrase it. They’re coming up not because of any external event, but because the external event is allowing the emotion already within you to come up and release.

And if I release the emotion, what happens is that the tank gets lighter and lighter—and I move into higher states of consciousness. I move into states of courage, neutrality, acceptance, willingness, peace, love—even very high states of love.

Then I bring that into everything.

But when I resist the emotions, I stay stuck in them.

So the act of surrender is really about saying,
“Wait, there’s no war happening here.
There’s just this illusion.
There’s no enemy.
I’m not surrendering to anything outside of me.”

What’s coming up is actually my system trying to heal—and I’m the one preventing that healing with my compulsions.

There’s this very natural healing principle in life.

We understand this when it comes to the body.
When I talk about healing, I often talk about how it’s built into the design of the world.

You plant a seed in the ground—what causes that seed to grow?
It’s not just the seed. It’s not just the soil.

There’s this principle—this force—that wants growth, expansion, and life.

I’m standing in front of a tree as I record this.
Somehow, this tree gives out the breath I need. Every breath I take is already provided for me—without me doing anything.

When I cut my finger, it heals.
I don’t make the healing happen.

Emotionally, psychologically—when our emotional tank is full—our system wants to clear it out. It doesn’t want to carry all that weight.

But when we resist the process—because we falsely see it as an enemy—we get in our own way.

Surrender means letting go of the viewpoint that “this is bad,” or “this is my enemy,” or “I need to control this.”

You’re not surrendering to the emotion and letting it take over you.

You’re surrendering your belief that it’s something you need to fight.

You start going with the stream and let it take you where it’s going to take you—because paddling upstream is exhausting and futile.

That’s the paradox of surrender.

It’s much better to flow with the stream of life.

And sometimes that means healing needs to happen.

We can’t carry around things that are preventing our own expansion and evolution.
That’s what healing is.
That’s what surrender is.

So with that, I hope this is helpful for you today.

If you're ever looking to go deeper in this work and be part of a community that does this daily, I’d love for you to consider filling out an application for TBC.

This is real recovery—the real work that helps you become the person you intuitively know you are.
Not by managing symptoms—but by truly transcending them.

And that’s exciting.

Wishing you a wonderful weekend—and I look forward to talking to you soon.