Matt's Audio Letter of the Week

Hey everyone, and welcome to this edition of The Feel Better Letter.

This is Matt, and today we’re going to talk about the art of doing less.

Now, one of the things about OCD, anxiety, panic attacks, social anxiety—even feelings of derealization and depersonalization—is that they cause us to become reactive. And reactivity drives us to engage in behavior to control.

Anytime we’re trying to control something, it’s because we fear it. Fear is the driving force behind control because fear, obviously, is the opposite of trust.

So, when we fear our symptomology, we attempt to control it through behaviors. These are often categorized as compulsions—mental or physical. They can show up in overworking, putting substances in our body, distracting ourselves, staying busy—all the things we do.

One of the big misconceptions that keeps people stuck is the idea that when you have these kinds of symptoms, it’s an indication of a disease. But fear is not a disease. Fear is an emotion.

What happens is we get stuck in these states through resistance. When symptoms show up, it’s usually because we’re living in a way that’s not sustainable. We’re not maintaining a healthy internal balance. We’re suppressing emotions. We’re not giving our nervous system time to regulate. We’re not giving ourselves time.

Eventually, our emotional tank fills up. And when it gets too full, it purges itself—so to speak. We’ll have a surge of emotion, maybe a panic attack, or an intense wave of anxiety.

All of this is a normal human experience. The problem is that we take a normal human experience and pathologize it—and then we try to control it so we don’t have it. That keeps us stuck and reinforces the illusion that it’s a chronic condition or disease.

The art of doing less is about learning to trust your body. It’s about learning to trust what’s happening rather than fighting it.

Because what if the very thing you call a symptom is actually the healing process? And by resisting it, you prevent the healing from completing itself.

The art of doing less is learning how to trust—and that involves actually trusting, even when everything around you feels terrifying. It means standing in the face of fear and choosing to behave in a trusting way, even when fear grips you from head to toe.

When you do less, you communicate trust.

Think about an over-controlling parent, spouse, or boss. If someone micromanages everything you do, they’re communicating that they don’t trust you. As parents, when we try to over-control our children, we indirectly communicate that they are untrustworthy.

Interestingly, the most controlling parents often have children who end up doing the very things they were trying to prevent. That’s because the parent’s control creates an identity in the child that says, “I can’t be trusted.”

When you try to control your nervous system—when you resist your emotions and try to make them go away—you’re doing the same thing. You’re communicating to your body, “I don’t trust you.”

Every behavior you engage in communicates a belief.

So, the art of doing less is about stepping into trust.

When you’re constantly doing, fixing, controlling, earning, and willing your way through recovery, you’re subtly communicating that you don’t trust the natural process to unfold.

That’s why, when you listen to stories of people who have healed, there’s a common theme in what they say: acceptance, non-resistance, surrender.

But instead of trying to do those things, ask yourself what it would look like to actually embody them.

And almost in every case, it’s going to involve doing far less than you’re currently doing.

Just some thoughts for today. Wishing you all a wonderful week.

If you know someone who would benefit from this, please share it with them.

And if you’re interested in embodying this work and getting help walking this journey, please complete an application for TBC. We’d love to be part of that journey with you.