Control Comes From Fear: Understanding the True Source of Control in Our Lives

By Matt Codde | Restored Minds

Are you someone who often feels the need to control situations, people, or outcomes in your life? If so, you’re not alone—and you may find it surprising to discover what’s truly fueling this behavior. In this post, we’ll explore the real roots of control, how it connects to your belief systems, and how you can start moving towards more trust and freedom.

Why Do We Want to Control?

Most of us think of control as a helpful way to manage our lives and protect ourselves from negative outcomes. But as Matt Codde explains, control almost always comes from a place of fear. If we genuinely trust someone or something, we don’t feel the need to control it. It’s when we don’t trust—be it a partner, a process, or even ourselves—that control takes over.

Let’s take relationships as an example. If someone insists on checking their partner’s phone, tracking their every move, or dictating who they see, it’s not really about love or care. Deep down, this behavior reveals insecurity or a feeling of not being safe—essentially, fear.

Control and Faith: Two Opposing Energies

Fear and trust are opposites, and this dynamic shows up not just in our relationships, but also in our personal beliefs and spirituality. Matt Codde discusses how this specifically appears with issues like scrupulosity—a form of OCD focused on religious or moral fears. People struggling with scrupulosity often feel a compulsive need to perform religious rituals out of a hidden desire to control God’s perception of them, or secure their place in heaven.

This isn’t true faith. As Matt explains, “Faith is synonymous with trust… Trust is not what you do. Trust is how you feel internally, emotionally.” When we act out of faith, our actions come from a place of love and confidence, not anxiety and fear.

Are You Practicing Control… Or Trust?

It’s easy to spot controlling behaviors in others, but not always in ourselves. If you find yourself saying, “I have to do this,” “I need to make sure,” or similar phrases, ask yourself honestly: Am I acting from trust, or from fear?

Even our approach to recovery and healing can become a field for control. For example, wanting to control every aspect of treatment or only doing what feels “safe” can prevent true progress. If you already knew the way, you wouldn’t be struggling—so why not trust proven guiding methods?

Moving Beyond Control: The Path to Healing

The first step to changing your relationship with control is awareness. Matt emphasizes the importance of honestly assessing where your actions are coming from:

• Are you operating from security and trust, or insecurity and fear?

• Are your daily decisions serving genuine faith and connection, or are they ways to keep fear at bay by trying to control uncontrollable outcomes?

When you stop lying to yourself about the real reasons behind your actions, you unlock the potential for inner healing. This means learning to operate from love, peace, and trust, and bringing that state into every part of your life.

Conclusion

Control isn’t about the theme or the actions themselves, but the internal state from which they arise. Practicing honesty with yourself about why you do what you do is the foundation for real transformation. Next time you catch yourself reaching for control, pause and reflect: What am I really afraid of, and how can I move towards more trust?

If you’re on a journey of recovery from OCD, anxiety, or want to understand yourself better, visit Restored Minds for more resources. And don’t forget to like, subscribe, and leave a review to help spread this message!