The Importance of Telling The Truth

The Importance of Telling The Truth

https://www.restoredminds.com/5-Rules-For-Recovery

https://www.restoredminds.com/anxiety-assessments

In this episode, I discuss the importance of honesty and why it is crucial for true recovery. Right now, we are living in a very clear imbalance of integrity on many different levels. On a societal level, we are presented with misinformation and even disinformation from news outlets and politicians on both sides of the spectrum. And on an individual level, many of us struggle with keeping simple promises to ourselves, not to mention our friends and family. It’s no wonder many of us are experiencing such an extreme level of internal discord during this pandemic. Which is exactly why I wanted to start a new series on telling the truth. The truth is important because it enables us to see the world how it really is, which in turn allows us to focus and solve the real problems we are facing. In this episode, I introduce some initial ideas on why developing and maintaining a high regard for honesty on every level will help with our recovery.

TRANSCRIPT

(00:06):

All right, hello and welcome to this week's episode where we're going to talk about mental health recovery and telling the truth. And I want to just talk about this idea of telling the truth, um, you know, primarily in this episode, and this actually might be a series that I'm going to do in the next weeks to come. Because while it sounds so simple, I, I often think that this is a something that's just so overlooked that, um, you know, it's become just almost a, is something we just completely dismiss and ignore. Right? And um, you know, and I was thinking about this more and more, like right now we live in a time of an integrity imbalance, right? You know, I mean from all everything down, right? I mean even even internally, many of us are at a complete imbalance of even self integrity. Like, you know, think about it, how many, how many times have you told yourself you're going to work out tomorrow or you know, not eat something that you don't, you're not supposed to eat and then you go and do it, right?

(01:02):

I mean that, what is that? That's self integrity, right? Like you're saying, you're going to do something and then you lie to yourself, right? And it's like, well, why do we do that? Great. And, um, because, because truth and integrity on every level is just so important to recovery in whatever you're doing, right? I mean, we're talking about a societal recovery or an individual recovery, right? And so I wanted to talk this this week about telling the truth. And what got me thinking was, um, I remember a quote from a movie called kingdom of heaven in a, as a Orlando bloom and, uh, Liam Neeson. And anyways, in the, in the movie, um, Orlando Bloom's getting knighted right by this group. And part of his oath is to tell the truth, even if it leads to your death. And I remember hearing that and just thinking like, that's such like a radical statement.

(01:55):

Like, why would you tell the truth if you knew it would kill you? You know what I mean? Like, or like, you know, why, why would you hold that kind of level? And I, and I just, you know, dismissed it. And it's just something that I thought was, you know, foolish, right? But as I started to think about this more and more and, and um, you know, I think one of the, the main problems that a lot of people are having, especially as a, you know, in the States anyway, where I'm in California, we're having this problem of not reopening, right? And in many cases we actually don't have information as to why we're maintaining this lockdown. We're watching other people. And so a lot of people are seeking for the truth, right? They want to know what, what is the reason? Right. You know, what are the real numbers, right?

(02:35):

Are, you know, are their real numbers right. You know, and, and all these people are leading to doubts and, and, um, so it got me thinking of this idea of the truth. And the reality is, is that we are living in a time, like I said, of integrity and balance. And what we're noticing, especially from a media standpoint, is that it's not necessarily to be, it's not necessarily important to be right as it is to be first, right. Or to, you know, get the most views the most, and again, we're talking about either side of the spectrum here, right, right, left, indifferent. It doesn't matter, right? When someone, when you're, when you're watching like headlines of articles, all it's designed to do is to get an emotional charge out of the viewership to get clicks to drive. It has nothing to even do most of the time with truth.

(03:17):

And you know, if we even look at our language, I was talking about this with a friend the other day, you know, we, we expect deception and lying almost, you know, from even our closest friends. I mean, think about, think about the time you're telling someone something and you say the words like, Hey, don't tell anyone you promise. Right. We, we forced them to make a promise not to lie, right? Because we, it's like we almost expect it on, on some level, right. And it's become just part of the norm and it's like my goodness. Like how, how is that okay? Right. And so I started thinking about all this stuff and, and, and, you know, obviously influenced by several books. I mean, two of which, if you have the four agreements, right, um, by Don Miguel and 12 rules for life by a Dr. Jordan Peterson, Peterson, I'm sorry.

(04:10):

And, and I was thinking about like, they have these simple chapters, like one of which is, you know, in, in four agreements, uh, the author talks about be impeccable with your word, right? The idea of being without sin and with your word. And then in, uh, 12 rules for life, Dr. Peterson talks about the idea of, uh, telling the truth, or at least not lying. And I started just asking myself more and more likely, why is it so important? Right? Why is telling the truth so important? And let's, so let's spin that question because I think a lot of us are looking at looking at this idea of looking for truth. But let's look at the question of, well, why do we, why do we want truth? Right? And first, let's start off with this idea of, well, why do we lie? And if you think about any time that you've lied, and I know, you know, some of you might go, well, I've never lied.

(04:50):

Okay, well that's obviously not true. You're lying right now. Right. You know, it's like, you know, we all have done it and, and let's think about why we lie. And so usually the first reason someone tells a lie is to control the narrative of that situation. Right. To, you know, to, you know, because what they're doing is they're anticipating what would happen if they told the truth. And then they're saying, okay, that's probably going to be bad. Let me control it by manipulating the truth. Right? And the other reason is, is because, so, so that's one reason, just that idea of control. And another reason is the idea of believing that the person couldn't handle the truth if you told it to them. Right? And if you think of that idea, it's like you're, you're almost looking at yourself as at this superior level in saying, Oh, if I told them like there's no way they can handle what I know.

(05:41):

Right? And, okay, look, in some cases, is that true? Like when it talks about like, you know, me being a father and you know, certain telling my daughter as she grows up certain things, yeah, there's probably going to be things that I wait to explain to her right when until she's ready, quote unquote. But I mean we all do it and, and, and it's like an asking yourself like, okay, well why are we, why do we lie so much? And then more importantly like is is there an appropriate time to lie? Right. And really just thinking about that question. I'm not, I'm not saying I have the answer necessarily, but I do want to, um, you know, on that note pitch the idea of some of the problems with lying, right. And again, we also lie to ourselves. That's another thing that I wanted to kind of, you know, really go into because again, with mental health recovery, with any kind of recovery, self integrity is, is probably one of the most important things a person can have, right?

(06:32):

If you look at behavioral treatment and we're trying to eliminate compulsion's or let's even say like something like, you know, if we're trying to change a significant behavior and if the person is just not honest, you know, their success rates are not going to be that high, right? Because they're just going to continue to lie to themselves. We'll like, I shouldn't have to do this. Or you know, Oh yeah. And then say that they did something when they didn't or whatever. Right? And so let's, let's talk about the problem of lying real quick. So I wanted to bring up two problems, right? That at least, and obviously there's several, but I just want to talk about some ideas. The problem with lying is first and foremost, let's just look at it from an individual level, is that you have to now remember two things. You have to remember the truth and you have to remember the lie you told, right?

(07:17):

And you also have to remember who you told that lie to because if you're telling the truth to one person in a lie to another, well that's a lot to remember, right? So it's just, it's just like this extra layer of things that you have to take on now. And the other problem is, is this idea of manipulation. Because when you feel like, and most of us can relate to this, when you have been lied to and you know you've been lied to, it's a bad feeling because what, what you're ultimately experiencing is you're F you're experiencing someone manipulating you, someone telling you something because they want to control something, right? And you're essentially kind of upon on that chessboard, you're feeling manipulated, which is why I think there's such a discord going on right now between the average person and media across the board, right?

(08:05):

Is because if someone's lying to you, it means that they're essentially manipulating you, right? Because they don't feel you can handle the truth or they want to control what you believe. Right? And that idea of lying, I mean, it makes sense that we feel like angry when someone lies to us and stuff because again, the truth is important. Now let's talk about why the truth is important, right? And, and because a lot of us are pursuing this question of, okay, well what is the truth? Right? What is the truth right now? Especially when it comes to this pandemic? But let's just, let's just, you know, broaden that out to like, just wanting truth, right? We want to know the truth. Well, why is the truth important? And if you really dig into like some of the philosophy behind this, when people like Plato or Nietzsche or a manual con, you know, you'll see, you know, this idea of, of really digging into this truth, right?

(08:56):

And the, you know, there's people have spent their whole lives arguing on this concept and, and you know, really studying this concept. But the reality is, is truth is valuable because it enables us to see how the world really is, right? If we know that we're seeing the real stuff, right? We're seeing the truth, right? And I think that's kind of why many of us crave truth. We want truth, right? Because we want to know what is really happening. Because if we're operating in an illusion, all of our efforts are misplaced. You know, think of times that you've been deceived and have done things with that belief, that false belief in how all that effort is just kind of fruitless, right? You have to start with truth in many ways, you know, before you embark on any kind of mission. And, um, you know, and, and so to circle back to that idea of like, okay, Hey, tell the truth even if it leads to your death, right?

(09:50):

And, and, and I'm not saying I promote this idea, but it was just such an interesting concept. I asked myself, I'm like, okay, well why would someone adopt a VAT like that? Well, if I even look at, you know, just my own recovery, things like that with, uh, with mental health, um, and, you know, anxiety, treatment and stuff. If I thought, if I thought that I had to tell the truth, right, with everything I was doing, I asked myself how different my life might look. Right? Like if I, if I knew I couldn't fib or lie or something like that, right. I really do think that most of us would live pretty dramatic, dramatically different in many ways. Right? Like, you know, I was just, I made a simple analogy when I was talking to my wife about this. Like, you know, our baby's having a trouble, trouble sleeping, right?

(10:36):

And, um, I was like, you know, sometimes I get stressed out cause, uh, you know, she doesn't sleep her full like, you know, 30, 40 minutes. Um, that causes us some stress in our household right now. And you know, sometimes like she might sleep 30, but I'll be like, Oh yeah, she slept 40 minutes and all like, you know, I'll lie. I mean, if I'm really just being honest and, and again, because if we go back to it, it's the same reasons and, but what if I like, and I asked myself just this question alone, like, Hey, like, like what if I really started living in this idea of like telling the truth and holding myself to that standard, but as, as to the best of my ability on that, not only so I don't have to remember different versions of the truth, but also just like how would I live if I knew I had to tell the truth?

(11:20):

Right? In your recovery, when we talk about bringing it back down to like anxiety recovery or eliminating unhealthy behaviors, what if you had to be honest about that? Right? How, how different would you behave if you had to be honest? Right. And, and just the importance of starting with the truth and recovery on, on every level from a personal level to a relationship level, to a, you know, country level to a global level, right? Like truth is important, right? And, um, and it's something that like, instead of just always asking, like, even asking what is the truth, as opposed to that, like, really understanding why we need the truth, I think is such a foundational step to, um, you know, because if we have the truth, that's where we can build from. Right? And, um, yeah, so in, in many ways, and again, and I've watched, you know, as a, as a therapist, I've watched many times where the lack of authenticity, right?

(12:18):

Not being able to be authentic and be yourself and be truthful. I mean, that can just eat someone from the inside out. Right? And I think it can do that on a country, a company, a family, you know, all, all sorts of scales. Right. You know, and, and I really do think that lion kind of festers in there and just pollutes, right. You hear that term, the web of lies, right? What does that mean? I mean, it just spreads and expands. Um, and anyways, it was just, uh, it was just some thoughts I wanted to pitch out this week. I'm not saying that I have every answer. I don't, um, and, and again, as we embark on this new series, I mean, it's something that I think I'm gonna be talking a little bit more about because I just think it's, it's something that's escaped many of us and we don't, we don't even see that as an issue, which is what's really scary in many ways.

(13:04):

So, um, you know, just, just starting with that idea with yourself, again, always starting with yourself. Um, because again, we heal from the inside out, right? If you want, you want honesty, practice being honest, right? Um, and if you really had to be, hold yourself to a high level of integrity, right? Would you, would you change? Right? What'd you be different? And if so, it's like maybe maybe practicing that this week, maybe instead of those little lies that you might tell, deciding to be honest right then and there and taking that stance and just maintaining, Hey, I'm going to tell the truth. Right? Um, in any, in, there's so much reading, you can expand on this on if you want to, but again, we have a, we have a bunch of resources. Again, if you're struggling with things like anxiety or mental health [email protected], we have, um, you know, free downloads, free assessments for you to get started, um, over at our, or just restored minds.com again, and if you are finding this helpful, we really appreciate your support by subscribing, liking, commenting, sharing, um, anything, anything you're willing to do, we uh, we very much appreciate it on all our platforms.

(14:09):

So it's Instagram, Facebook, um, you know, the podcast, YouTube, all of it. Um, so all your support really, uh, it does mean the world to us and thank you to everyone for, uh, you know, the great comments and everything that's being sent our way. Um, and uh, yeah, no, I just wish you guys a great week as we continue to ride through this, uh, this time together, we're going to continue to be here to support you. Again, we're running in our community, um, membership. We're running live coaching calls every week. So again, if you want support, you know, feel free to, uh, to join us for those. And you can, you can do so right over on our website. So thank you everyone. And again, there's some links down below, um, for your, uh, for your, just your help and resources. And, um, again, we just want to wish everyone a happy week, healthy week, and, um, and just thank you for tuning into the show and supporting us. Take care. And I hope you have a good day.