The Importance of Being Authentic

The Importance of Being Authentic

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In this episode, I discuss the importance of authenticity and how it plays a large role in our recovery. From a very early age our emotional needs revolve around two things - the ability to attach to our caregivers and the ability to be authentic. However, if we learn that being authentic threatens our attachment we will almost always choose attachment over authenticity. This can lead to us suppressing different aspects of ourselves, which in turn can manifest into a variety of physical, mental, and emotional problems. In this episode, I discuss how being authentic can help set us free from our inner struggles and live a more fulfilling life. Enjoy!

TRANSCRIPT

(00:08):

All right. Hey my friends and welcome to another episode of the restored mind show. My name is Matt Codde and thank you so much for tuning in. And, um, today's episode is going to be about the idea of being authentic and the importance of authenticity and why it's really important for not only own our own health, but our recovery as well. And so, um, you know, what got me thinking about this, uh, this topic, you know, as we're on this series of telling the truth, I was thinking about the movie flight with Denzel Washington and in the movie Denzel plays a pilot and a person who's, you know, really struggles with alcoholism. And, um, at the very end, you know, he has this opportunity to essentially lie and get off Scott free for everything and he just kind of freezes up on the podium and just pours out everything.

(00:59):

And, um, you know, essentially, you know, is just really honest and incriminates himself essentially, and ends up going to jail. And he ends up talking about, uh, he, he's going into the last scene that he's talking about and he's like, you know, I was just at a point where I couldn't tell any more lies. And he's like, he's like, the ironic thing is, is like I'm sitting in a jail and it's the first time that I feel free. And I just thought it was, it was just such a powerful, um, you know, ending spoiler alert for those of you who haven't seen it. Sorry, I ruined the end. Um, but the point that I really want to drive home here is we talk about the importance of telling the truth is why it's so important to be authentic. Right? And you know, um, Gabor Matay, dr Gabor manta, I'm sorry, wrote a book called, uh, when the body says no, and in the book he talks about has humans, we have two really basic needs, right?

(01:54):

The ability to attach to others and the ability to be authentic. And what he points out is, is that when we feel like our ability to be authentic, threatens our ability to attach, what we'll do is we'll always gen generally choose attachment, right? Because attachment is more important, you know, for survival, especially at an early age of life. And so, um, but what he talks about is, is when you, when you aren't authentic, what happens is, you know, you begin to suppress. And so that's the first point that I really want to make is that idea of, um, authenticity and attachment and those two basic human needs. And when we realized that one, that authenticity threatens attachment. If, if we believe that being authentic threatens attachment will choose not to be authentic and will choose to attach. Right? And so let's just use a very simple example, right?

(02:46):

You know, of, um, if a child throws a tantrum and their parents yell at them for throwing a tantrum, well, and you know, cause he was angry about whatever, he didn't get a cookie or, you know, it is, what will happen is, is the child will learn subtly that me acting that way could threaten my attachment and then, you know, maybe you won't lash out in anger. Right. And so, you know, which, which can lead to, you know, the child ultimately not expressing anger in a healthy way, burying anger, right. All that stuff. And we know, um, you know, this, you know, and in many ways, right? I mean, there's many people that do that, that aren't authentic about, you know, their sexuality. Right. You know, that's, I mean, obviously that's a big thing. Um, you know, where people suppress that to, you know, ultimately maintain attachment to their families.

(03:35):

Visitors are afraid if they are authentic, they, their families might outcast them. Right. Or, um, you know, even in this day and age, I think even the idea of, uh, you know, your political idea ideations, right. If you don't align with, you know, in many ways, um, people on the extreme sides, you know, it, it, uh, it can almost feel like, you know, you might get attacked or, um, you know, people might lash out in an angry way on you for just expressing something that's counter to what they believe. Right? And there was actually a really interesting podcast, um, by Dave Rubin on the Rubin report report, and he talks about, you know, coming out as a, just someone who's not on the like really far left, right? And he was just talking about like how when he started doing that, like it was just such a difficult thing for him.

(04:23):

And it was a, it was a really interesting listen. Anyway. Um, but the, the point I want to, um, really drive home here is this idea of authenticity and attachment. And when it comes to mental health, especially many of us aren't authentic. Right? You know, and I, and I can attest to this from my own story, right? It's like when I was really struggling with anxiety, OCD, panic attacks, things like that. Um, I always wanted to put on a face, like everything was okay, right? I would always tell people, yeah, you know, I'm good at, or I'm fine. Um, because, because I was always afraid to tell people what was really going on. Right. And what that leads to though is it leads to us suppressing our feelings, right? And also leads to us, um, having to lie, right? I mean, that's essentially what you're doing.

(05:15):

You're at, you're, you're a lack of authenticity, right? You're lying, right? You're not being genuine. And it's not that you necessarily need to tell everyone your problems all the time, right? There's times and places for this. But that's the second real point that, um, I want to make here today is the idea of lack of authenticity leads to suppression, right? And suppression is, you know, just generally speaking, a very dangerous thing. Now in Gabor manta book, um, on when the body says no, he talks about how the suppression of anger manifests in the form of disease. And if we think about just that idea of anger, right? Um, you know, when you get angry, what that usually telling you is that you're perceiving something to be incorrect, right? Some, there's some kind of injustice or imbalance. And that's what generally arises that feeling of anger and people that can't stand up and you know, address something that's wrong, right?

(06:12):

Because, you know, whatever, they just don't feel like they have the courage to do so or whatever the reason is. What they'll do is they'll suppress the anger. And then in, in dr [inaudible] book, he makes a pretty convincing argument that that constant suppression of anger manifest into, you know, specific diseases, um, you know, and terminal diseases. And that's what the book is called, right? When the body says no, and he, what he says, essentially, if you can't say no for yourself, the body will eventually say for you. And when we think about things like anxiety disorders, well, anxiety disorders are in many ways are our suppression of anxiety, right? Because anxiety by its very nature is, um, is, is a normal human experience, right? Anxiety is normal, right? And, and you know, I know people love to pathologize anxiety. Like, Oh my gosh, I feel anxious.

(07:06):

It's like, well, that's a normal feeling, right? But when we buried anxiety, right, that's when it really becomes a problem because it starts compounding and piling up and piling up and piling up. And the more and more we try not to feel anxiety, actually, that's what causes it to get worse and worse and worse and worse. Right? And that's where, um, you know, one's ability to be authentic and to express what they're really feeling and to be able to like, you know, tell other people in a safe place, in safe environment what's going on. That's why, you know, people will, will say, you know, being authentic or telling the truth is so liberating, right? We've all heard that phrase, right? The truth will set you free. Um, obviously it's taken a little bit out of context in, in the, in the book of John, but I mean, the, the message is pretty straightforward, right?

(07:56):

You know, it's like the idea of, of living in the truth. You don't have to remember lies, right? You don't have to try to tell stories and craft and worry about what other people are thinking. You're just being honest, right? And there's a certain liberation that comes from that. And that's in the movie flight when he was talking about the idea of, um, you know, being in a, in a jail, right? And for the first time feeling free, you know, I mean really it was just free from themself, right? Free from having to try to control this narrative and control what other people thought. I'd always lie and always remember what lies he told. I mean, it was, it was just such a powerful scene when I was, uh, when I was watching it. And um, and so really that was the point that I wanted to drive home, right?

(08:37):

Is the idea that, you know, authenticity and attachment, right? Being authentic. If we believe that it will threaten our ability to attach, will suppress our authenticity. And when we suppress it, that is what actually manifests more and more problems, right? And our ability to be authentic and be ourselves is in, in many cases what, like the start of liberation, the start of, of healing for many of us because we're able, we're able to surface what we're really dealing with and then begin to face that head on. And, um, and so I just wanted to, um, you know, toss out those ideas this week and, um, you know, however it might look for your life. I mean just to, um, you know, just to start looking at that and to start looking at ways of trying to be more authentic, more real with people. Um, you know, standing up for yourself if it's not something that you usually do, to be able to say no when, when things are wrong.

(09:30):

I mean, these are really important things because if you don't, it will just compound again and again and again. And, um, you know, so for those of you that, um, you know, support our show, we really appreciate if you'd like and subscribe, comment, um, you know, give us feedback. We always appreciate to hear from our listeners and, um, yeah, and just want to say thank you so much for taking the time to tune in this week. We really hope you guys have a great week and we wish everyone a health and safety as we continue on through this pandemic and we will get through it together guys. And so thank you and I hope you guys have a wonderful week.

 

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