How to Manage Chaotic Times & Heal From Within

How to Manage Chaotic Times & Heal From Within

https://www.restoredminds.com/5-Rules-For-Recovery

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I have always believed that true healing and restoration comes from within. And I also believe that if we want change in the world, it starts within each one of us. When you focus on healing yourself you are focusing on something in your control. And this enables you to take action on improving yourself, which will ultimately have a ripple effect of healing in others. I truly believe that’s why Mahatma Gandhi said, “be the change you wish to see in the world.” I think he knew that chance begins with the individual. Because when you are a pillar of strength amidst chaos, other people are forced to look at you and respond.

So in this episode, I discuss some important steps we can each individually take to help heal and restore a world lost in chaos. I would like to encourage you not to let this storm knock you off course. Continue to keep growing from within so that ultimately your strength is so magnetic and so vibrant that other people are naturally drawn to you when they are lost and you can help them and hopefully the ripple effect will continue to a point where we heal and grow as an entire world.

TRANSCRIPT

(00:09):

all right. Hey, my friend, and welcome to another episode of the restored mind show. And so on today's episode, we're going to tie up our series on the truth. And I want to talk about really in this, in this episode, I want to talk about working on yourself and the reason I want to do that is because, you know, there's been at this particular time when I'm recording. Um, there's been a lot of just stuff going on in the world in the past two weeks. And I, and I've had a, I've had a difficult time kind of figuring out my own thoughts on everything and all. And on top of that, really figuring out like what I actually want to say, or if I do, if I, if there's anything for me to even to say, you know, um, and so I've been thinking more and more about everything and talking with my friends, talking with people that are close to me and kind of like, okay, well, how do we address these problems that are going on?

(01:04):

Right. You know, I mean, um, with, uh, you know, mr. Floyd, um, being killed and obviously the, the kind of, um, protests, and then even the, the writing and looting that happened. And then now, you know, more events and, you know, all these political movements and, um, and everyone just kind of clashing. Right. You know, and, and what do we do? You know, it's I, and that, and that's really kind of the, the, these questions that have been going on in my head. It's like, well, what can you do? What do you do? How do you H how do you handle this as individuals? And, you know, I just keep coming back to this idea of focusing on yourself, right? Because again, with, with the whole concept of restored minds, right, it's, it's the idea that healing comes from within, not from without, right. It works from, into, out, not out to end.

(01:52):

That's where real change comes in, right. Transformation comes from within. And so many people take the backwards approach to that, right. They try to, they try to control others and they try to force change upon people. And that just never works. I mean, you know, it, it's like, it's just the reality in order for someone to really change, you know, behavior, it has to come from within, right. As the person has to understand what they're doing, that's wrong and then want to change, right. They need to have to want to become a better version of themselves in order for any true change to occur. And, um, you know, so what I, what I wanted to share, um, this week are just two, two quick thoughts, right? Um, the first and foremost is, is when we focus, focusing on ourselves is the reason I always recommend that to everyone is because that's in your control, right?

(02:50):

Like you have control over that. And when you focus on what's in control, you can actually take action and produce results. When you focus on trying to change something that's outside of your, it can lead you to feeling powerless, you know, and it can lead you to feel like there's no fruit to your labor, right. Because you're trying to change something that in, in many ways, most of the time can't be changed, right? Like, I mean, even we know this as simply in anyone that's been in a relationship, you know, it's when you're in a relationship, it's like, you can't just change your significant other, uh, you know, to fit the mold. You want them to fit. And if you, and if you try to do that, you're not allowing them to be who they really are. Right. You're trying to make them into the mold.

(03:35):

So they make you feel a certain way. But one of the benefits about being in a relationship being married, um, you know, even having kids, right. I mean, these are some of the things that I'm, I'm slowly starting to realize is like, look, being with someone and being committed to someone. Oftentimes it shines lights on things that I don't, I don't particularly like about myself, whether it be like, let's just at a simple example this week is just me, me being impatient. Right. I was just talking about this with my friend the other day, you know, um, we, my wife and I, we were running late to something and, and I just got impatient and I was getting flustered and shining a light on, on that and myself and saying like, okay, Hey, you know, and, and, you know, having a S uh, a significant other or person in your life allows those things to kind of arise.

(04:25):

Right. And, and having, uh, a spouse that challenges you is, is a wonderful thing, actually, in a spouse. Right. Having, having someone who's just ha there's never conflict, and there's never any, um, any hardship or anything like that, all that, all that is, is just, you know, they're, they're ultimately not being themselves and, and you're not growing. Right. And that's the great thing about relationships is that we actually can use each other to shine a light on each other's flaws and then grow together. Um, and, and if you just look at that, that's just one relationship. And now we're talking about, you know, like people are trying to change, uh, you know, like entire cities and countries, and just the entire mind of, of just people in general, and just by like yelling and who can yell the loudest. Right. It seems like kind of what the approach is.

(05:16):

And I understand that that feels like, you know, you're doing something which is good, and it's not, it's not bad to try that. But, but what I, I mean, I just really believe is that change comes from within, and we want this world to be a better place, the place we all got to start with this ourselves, you know? And, um, and that really involves getting to know yourself. You know, I think one of the biggest mistakes, um, people make myself included, right? Like violent, whatever I'm talking, it's, you know, a lot of it's directed at myself in many ways, because one of the, but one of the biggest mistakes I think people make is that they Def, they default to the idea that because they had the idea, it must be right, right. Because I thought it MITs. Right. Right. And in the end, we default and assume that we are right.

(06:07):

And again, and again, I'm totally guilty of this. And I think all of us are, we just have this default assumption that when we've thought about something, especially if we thought about something for any length of time, that whatever we think we're right. And then we have to craft a world in which the fact that we're right exists. Right. And therefore we try to change our exterior world world to make us right. Right. And that idea of being wrong is so it's so scary to people. And, um, and again, fear drives so much of that. And, you know, again, because the primary focus of this, uh, of the show is fear and anxiety and how it impacts our lives. But if we really are able to get to know ourselves and really begin to heal ourselves, then we can start to heal our relationships in the areas that maybe our flaws and our weak points were impacting those relationships and then so on and so forth, and then kind of begin to heal as small families and then communities and, um, you know, really healing from the outside in, because that's how I believe real change is gonna happen.

(07:13):

And that's always been there. The message of restored minds, right, is starting with, with this right, with, with us as an individual and healing that, and then moving to the next layer and the next layer, as opposed to trying to solve the world on the surface, because I just don't believe that that will bring lasting change. And so I just want to pose a few questions to, you know, um, to the followers of the show. And again, if you do support the show, we always appreciate, um, for likes and subscribes and follows, um, across all our social platforms. And we have little links down below, um, and we have free resources on our website, restored minds.com for you, whether it's assessments or downloads to help you, if you do struggle with, um, you know, particular mental health struggles, uh, specifically with fear and anxiety and depression. And, um, but let's just go into some questions we can start with. Right. You know, cause again, I was, I would like to offer some kind of solutions or places to start anyway. And just three questions that I want to share today. So the first question is, is it seems, sounds simple, but really this is a kind of a scary question for most people and it's just, who are you? Right. Just who are you?

(08:28):

And so many of us attach these, we we've, we've tried to solve this, this question and we attach these very, very shallow identities to it. Right. And we get so absorbed into that, that it becomes our identity because, you know, again, it's this question that we're trying to try and most of us are trying to figure out who are we? Who, who are you? There's a wonderful chapter in the book and the untethered soul just titled that, just who are you? Right. And he just goes into it and you know, we attach things to it. Right. You know, like, so I was, I was talking to a client the other day and I was like, okay, well, you know, if I'm a, a Dallas Cowboys fan right. Which I've been my whole life. And I asked myself as I, okay, well, is that really who I am?

(09:13):

Right. Like when I even use language like that, I'm a Dallas Cowboys fan or people say things like I'm anxious or I'm, I'm a, you know, um, you know, and then let's go into the political realm, right. I'm a Republican, I'm a Democrat, I'm on the left, on the right. Or, you know, or whatever. Right. And we take it, you know, or even a religious belief or, um, a family member identity. I'm a mother, I'm a father, right. I'm a husband, I'm a wife. We, we latch onto these identities. And if something shakes that identity, then you know, we react because the challenge is this question. And it's a really interesting question if you actually really start to break it down, right. Because you can say, well, I'm my name, but you're so much more than that. Right. And even just starting with that question, I don't even want to get too deep into it.

(09:59):

It was just starting with that question of who are you and starting to really ask yourself that question. And, and then more importantly, are you being yourself, right? This is question number two. Are you being true to yourself? And this is a question that I started thinking, I was listening to 'em to a talk on that Jim Carrey, K um, Jim Carrey, the actor gave, and he talked about this idea of creating these, this persona. And he said that, you know, ultimately only ones gonna, one's gonna live, right. The person you create and that you want everyone to believe you are, or you right. And, and he's like, eventually if you want to adopt that, then you have to kill the real you or kill the persona. Right. And this idea of really being who you are. I mean, many of us have a lot of fear about being who we are, because we believe that if someone really knew who we were, you know, the, the flaws that we have or the thoughts that we have in our head, that they wouldn't, they would, they would, they wouldn't love us.

(10:59):

They wouldn't accept us. Right. So it would become these other, the, these ideas, right. That people want us to be. And the problem is, is that, and we think that that's going to lead somewhere to, you know, to success. And what's interesting is, is like, look being someone that you, you aren't, you're never going to be able to really attract real happiness because you're not really being the real you, you know, and, um, and it's gonna be, it's gonna lead to a very challenging life if you're not being yourself. Right. And in learning how to be authentic, I think is, is one of the most important things that someone can do. And again, it's something that we all struggle with. And even my, myself, it's like, you know, I was just talking to my wife about this. This is like just areas that I could be more authentic in.

(11:48):

Right. I'm not at the expense of other people, of course, you know, but, but really at the, it had just aligned myself to grow and to, just, to just be myself and to be confident in areas that I'm not normally normally confident in, or, you know, if it comes down to speaking or whatever. Right. And, um, and, and really just not allowing fear to hold us back in those areas. And then finally, the last question is, is like, look, what areas, if you're really honest with yourself are areas that you need to work on, can work on. And I think this is a, is a great place for us to start right now when it comes to healing our country, you know, our, our families, our cities are our places of employment instead of focusing on what everyone else needs to change. Right. And trying to change them to make yourself feel okay, let's reverse that for a second and say, Hey, look, how can I change?

(12:46):

Or, Hey, do I need to change? And if the answer is no, then okay, you can keep focusing on other people. But for the most of us, we're going to find that there's a lot to work on just right here. Like I got plenty to keep me busy and which is why, you know, I've kind of, I've, I've, haven't, um, released a new episode in the last two weeks is cause as I'm absorbing all this stuff, that's going on, I was like, I don't even know what to say. In many cases, it's like, I feel horrible about everything. And I asked myself, okay, well, like what can we do? What can I help? You know, how can I help? But then I always come back to, okay, what can I do? Like, what can I do? How can I work on myself? How can I get better?

(13:27):

What are things that I can work on for, on me to improve me? Um, you know, because that's what that's, what's in my control. And so, um, you know, this week, I just want to want to talk about that idea, right. Just to summarize, you know, if you're focusing on trying to control something that you can't control, it's going to lead to that feeling of powerlessness. And, and it's not going to leave to have a really fulfilled, fulfilled mission, right. Because you're just always going to be focusing on the next thing and the next thing. But really, if we're able to realize that the one thing that we're in control of is ourselves and really getting to know ourselves, right. Who we are, are we being our true self? And then if we are like, Hey, what areas do we need to work on and really going to work there?

(14:11):

Um, you know, a lot to, lot to be said, lots to be had lot to be, um, not to be fulfilled if we actually go that route, I believe. And that's how I believe, you know, real healing is going to come not only on an individual level, of course, but on a family level, on community levels and on a society and even global level. Um, and so thank you so much for, for taking the time to hang out today. Again, we have a bunch of resources on our site and please, uh, you know, comment like subscribe and share for your friends. If you found this helpful. Um, I just want to say thank you to everyone. And I wish everyone safety and, and, and, and wellness, you know, during this time. And, um, yeah. Hope you guys have a great week and we will see you guys next week as we're going to start a new series as we move forward. Thank you so much.

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