Why the Healing Process is Messy: Embracing Nonlinear Recovery with Matt Codde

When you’re struggling with OCD and anxiety, it’s common to want a clear, straight path to recovery. Many people believe that overcoming these struggles means getting rid of intrusive thoughts and unwanted feelings—and that once you’ve “fixed” those, you’ll automatically be healed. But the reality is, the healing process is messy, and it’s far from a linear journey.

As a licensed clinical social worker and founder of Restored Minds, I’ve seen firsthand that healing is more about unraveling than about ticking off boxes on a checklist. Let’s talk about what real recovery actually looks like—and why it’s okay if your healing process feels like peeling back the layers of an onion rather than climbing a straight staircase to success.

Busting the Myth of Linear Recovery

So many people start out with the belief that recovery should be logical and linear—the idea that you’ll just get a little better each day until you’re “fixed.” But every individual is different. We each begin healing with our own unique histories, beliefs, and emotional strategies. That means your process won’t look exactly like anyone else’s.

Healing from OCD and anxiety involves so much more than eliminating symptoms. Sometimes you’ll feel like you’re making progress, only to be confronted by old memories, beliefs, or emotions you thought you’d left behind. Maybe new triggers present themselves. Maybe you discover you’ve been holding onto anger or shame from the past. Recognize that this is all part of the process—it doesn’t mean you’re failing.

Healing Happens in Layers

Instead of picturing recovery as a point-by-point process, imagine it as peeling back the layers of an onion. What we’re really doing is letting go—shedding identities, beliefs, and old emotions that no longer serve us.

Sometimes, you’ll think you’ve “solved” one problem, only for another to come up. For instance, maybe you need to address depression that’s keeping you inactive before you can tackle your anxiety. Or perhaps, after working through fear, you find yourself needing to let go of anger or shame. Each layer brings new themes to the surface, inviting you to work through them as they arise.

Let Go of Needing to “Fix” Yourself

One of the most powerful shifts in healing is moving away from seeing yourself as a problem to be fixed. Rather than molding yourself into what you think society expects or what you believe is acceptable, focus on chipping away at what’s not authentic to your true self.

Imagine yourself as a block of marble, slowly being sculpted into the best version of you—not by addition, but by removal. As you let go of what no longer serves you, your essence emerges.

Acceptance Over Perfection

Whatever you’re experiencing—fear, sadness, depression, anger, shame, or guilt—try not to see these emotions as obstacles to being “acceptable.” Instead, recognize them as layers to confront and transcend. Recovery happens when you allow yourself to accept where you are, face what arises, and gradually move through each new challenge.

The journey doesn’t have a finish line; it’s about coming to peace with being yourself, rather than striving to meet some imagined version of perfection.

Trust Your Unique Path

Everyone’s healing process is messy. It’s simply part of being human. Your journey will unfold in the way that’s right for you, and that’s more than okay. Give yourself permission to let it be imperfect and non-linear.

Remember: You’re not alone in this. Keep putting in the work, accept the messiness, and trust that each layer you peel away brings you closer to peace and wholeness.