Why Self-Compassion Must Be the Starting Point in OCD & Anxiety Recovery

Are you struggling with OCD, anxiety, or other stress-related conditions and finding it hard to move forward? If you've been searching for ways to truly heal, the answer might not be what you think. Licensed clinical social worker and founder of Restored Minds, Matt Codde, shares a transformative insight: self-compassion isn't the end goal—it must be the foundation of your recovery journey.

The Hidden Problem: Self-Rejection

Many people with OCD and anxiety unknowingly fall into the trap of self-rejection. Matt Codde explains that the narrative often sounds like, "I can't accept or love myself unless I fit a certain box." For some, this box is being free of intrusive thoughts, uncomfortable emotions, or persistent worries. You might believe you'll only be worthy of love and acceptance once you've achieved this ideal state.

But Matt argues this approach is fundamentally backwards. Waiting until you “fix” yourself to then offer compassion only deepens your suffering. Instead, he encourages us to recognize that withholding compassion from yourself is a self-imposed barrier—one that you have the power and the duty to remove.

The Power of Unconditional Self-Compassion

Imagine if a parent told their child, "I’ll love and accept you only if you meet these certain standards." The child would learn their worthiness is conditional, fostering a lifelong pursuit of external approval. The same principle applies to how we treat ourselves. When you postpone self-compassion until you “deserve” it, you reinforce a cycle of unworthiness and never truly feel at peace.

Matt Codde emphasizes:

"Self-compassion cannot be an end result. It has to be a foundational starting point. You cannot come at this journey from a place of 'I need to change myself so that I can have compassion for myself.'"

The Difference It Makes

When you try to change yourself from a place of self-rejection, you may never feel satisfied—even after achieving your goals. You might punish yourself through strict diets, excessive exercise, or relentless self-criticism, believing these actions will earn you worthiness or love. However, as Matt Codde notes, if you do reach your target, you’re likely to fear losing it and never enjoy the progress you’ve made.

By contrast, when you start from self-compassion, the journey becomes fulfilling. Whether your goal is to improve your mental health, gain strength, or simply feel more at home in your body, the process feels nurturing instead of punishing. You change because you love yourself, not because you’re desperate to earn love.

"When you begin working at yourself from compassion, it's completely different than working at yourself from rejection."

Making the Shift: Removing Barriers to Self-Compassion

Matt suggests a powerful exercise:

• Ask yourself, “I’ll accept myself when __.”

• Fill in the blank. Whatever your answer, that's the barrier you’ve built between you and self-compassion.

• Recognize that you have the power to take this barrier down.

Remind yourself: emotions and intrusive thoughts are part of being human. Withholding compassion only causes harm. You owe it to yourself to start from a place of self-compassion today.

Key Takeaway

Self-compassion isn’t something you earn—it’s where you begin. If you’re on a journey to overcome OCD, anxiety, or any stress-related issue, challenge yourself to start with unconditional self-acceptance. Doing so can transform not just your recovery, but your entire experience of life.