Stop Trying Harder, Try DIFFERENT!

Stop Trying Harder, Try DIFFERENT!


Welcome to 2021!!!

I’d like to start off by wishing you a very happy new year! There’s no doubt that this holiday season was a bit different than most of us are used to. But I hope you still got to be with your friends & family and connect in your own way.

One of the things I love about January is it gives us the ability to reset and take a moment to re-evaluate what is important in our lives. And instead of adding more to your already full plate (like most of us do), I want to encourage you to consider adopting a different approach this year, especially when it comes to stress and anxiety. 

And this approach is to simply ….Stop Trying Harder, Try DIFFERENT!

The reality is your success on this journey to recovery is not directly correlated to the amount of effort you put it. Your success depends on approaching your recovery with the correct tools and strategies so you can expect RESULTS by taking steps each day that will move you closer to your goals.

So in this episode, I will be sharing some tips on how you can transition to trying a different approach and start working smarter, not harder!





Welcome to this episode. Uh, first and foremost, I just want to wish everyone a happy new year, welcome to 2021. And, um, on this episode, I want to, I really want to talk about, you know, how we can make this new year, right. You know, your year for change, right? So no matter when you're watching or listening to this, right. You know, this is really about like what what's going to create the turning point for people, right? What's going to create the turning point for you on your journey to recovery. And, um, you know, the, the number one message that I want to send is you have to stop trying harder. You have to try different, right? For many of us, you know, one of the reasons that we struggle with OCD, anxiety, psychological stress, for as long as we struggle with it, it has nothing to do with effort.


And I think that's the, that's the hardest thing for people to realize is they, you know, we, for so long, we've lived life in this, in this idea of like, well, I just work harder if I just put more effort and more time in, that's gonna get me the result, right. We equate effort with result. And when it comes to, you know, recovery from OCD, anxiety, you know, in, in any kind of stress-related disorder, it's usually backwards, right? The more effort we put into trying to get better, oftentimes it's, it works in a, in a reverse effect. It often makes things worse. Now, why is that? Well, because if we're working to try to get rid of anxiety, right? We're treating anxiety as the problem, and we're treating the thoughts in our head, right? The intrusive thoughts, right. Um, as, as the problem that we're working to get rid of, we are in fact reinforcing that they are a problem, right? And, and that, and what happens is the paradoxical effect of the more and more we try to get rid of them, the more and more we experienced them. Because again, we need to understand that the experience of anxiety within your body, right? The experience of stress even


Is not the problem, right? Like that's not the thing we're aiming to get rid of. And the harder we try to it, the harder we try to get rid of it, the more we're going to experience it. Right. Because what we're going to do is we're going to suppress it. We're going to push it down. And the only it's like holding a beach ball under water at, I quit all the time. It's like the only place that has to go is up, right? The problem that we have is not the thoughts that we're experiencing, not the feelings that we're experiencing, it's the behaviors we're doing to that, that end up reinforcing, right? It's the behaviors we do that we try to get rid of the thoughts and feelings that then reinforce the whole loop. Right. And this works for anything for OCD, obviously, you know, um, the compulsion's right, or what we look for, but the reality is these, these behaviors exists with any kind of psychological stress.


So panic, right. People with panic attacks will often avoid things that try, that might give them panic attacks. That is the behavior, right. With social anxiety, same thing, avoiding social situations. Um, you know, with phobias avoidance, right? Avoidance is one of those big compulsion's and behaviors that people do. They don't even realize they're doing not to mention all the stuff we do in our head, like ruminating, analyzing, worrying, right. All that stuff up there is all those behaviors are things that are keeping you stuck in that loop. And so when it comes to making real change in your life, right. And especially with this new year, like what a better time to start. Right. You know, because if you've been at this for any length of time, right. Looking to, for looking for a solution, looking for help, right. Looking for, you know, to really take back control of your life.


Well, you know, there, there is no better time than right now, like today it can not be a thing that you put off to tomorrow because there's an endless amounts of tomorrows. Well, not endless, but you know what I mean? You know what I mean? We always have tomorrow, right. That we can put off too, until we don't. Right. And you have to get honest with yourself and say, Hey, look like, what is, what, what is this doing to my life? How will I, how is this impacting the quality of life? Am I living the kind of life that I really want to live? Or is it being restricted by fear and anxiety stress? And if it is, well, then I have to take responsibility to say, Hey, I need to break myself out of this. I need to take back control. And, um, you know, with that said, right, it's like, instead of working harder to do that, though, you have to try a different approach.


Right. We have to focus on behavior change. And, and I know, you know, there there's so much that goes in depth. And obviously in, in the taking back control, um, you know, program with restorative minds that we go in depth into that. Right. You know, like how do you actually stop those? You know, like how do you actually do the correct behaviors in your head? Right. I mean, like, there's, you know, obviously there's a lot of in-depth, but the, the main message that I want to send in this episode is that it's not about trying harder. It's about taking a completely different approach, right? I mean, there's a whole, um, like a whole, you know, like if you, if we think about it like this, right, with the Chinese finger trap, you know, for those of you that have never played with a Chinese finger trap, I mean, essentially it's this little bamboo cylinder.


And if you put your fingers in it, right, the harder you try to pull your fingers out of it, what happens is the tighter and tighter the trap gets and you ultimately become stuck. Right. And, um, the, the paradox to the trap is, is you have to do the opposite of what you think you would do. And in that is actually what allows you to break free. So what you do is you, your fingers inward in deeper into the trap, and that opens up the cylinder, which allows you to get one finger out and the other finger out. And that's, that's the trap of OCD and anxiety almost summarized. Right. I mean, or like, you know, uh, I don't know what the word would be, but like, you know, put into a physical item, right? It's like everything we do that we're trying to help ourselves is actually making us more and more stuck.


Right. And once we realize that once we take the paradoxical approach, right, and we start learning the strategies that are actually gonna help us not engage in those behaviors. Right. Especially the mental behaviors, because those are the ones that really keep people stuck. That is the ticket to trying different, to going a completely different approach. Right. Then what you've been taught in the, in the, you know, the crummy thing is right, is that for many of us, we go to therapist, right. We go to doctors and they actually reinforced the idea that we're supposed to try to get rid of anxiety. Right. Which is, you know, I can't tell you, I mean, I, I went on my own journey, right. To like five or six different therapists. Right. And all of them were teaching me the same thing, like relaxation techniques, progressive muscle relaxation, breathing, right.


Calm the anxiety down, calm the anxiety down. Right. Get rid of the anxiety. And then if you go the pharmaceutical route, I mean like anti-anxiety meds mean, yeah. They weren't great temporarily, but then what happens is you build tolerance to them. And the whole idea is, is to get rid of anxiety. And that can't be our approach because it's a broken model. It keeps us stuck and trying a completely different approach is actually what enables us to really break free and take back control of our life. Now I'm not against medication. And, and again, it's, it's one of those things that there's, there's many aspects to this. Right. So I don't wanna, I don't wanna come off as like, I would never do this or never do this. Right. I mean, yes, everyone has their own customized approach to this, but we have to think longterm solutions instead of short-term comfort, that is what it means to try different.


Right. Instead of trying harder, if you're doing something and you haven't been seeing results, it's like, you have to take a different approach at some point, right. Because it's just not working. And so, um, so this year, you know, as we, as we kick off this new year, um, the, the thing that I just want to say, um, is that, you know, if you're struggling with this, like I've been there, right. And, and now that I get the opportunity and, and the, the amazing opportunity at that to work with people and, um, you know, through my programs, through, you know, groups and individuals as well, um, the one thing that's universal and the people that get better is we go a different approach than what we've been doing. Right. And when you do that, that is what that's, what really enables you to take back control.


So, um, if you've been struggling for any length of time, you know, um, the one thing that I would really say, you know, especially starting this new year is to stop the same things you've been doing right. Is to really go and take a different approach. And over at restored minds, you know, we, we teach you how to do that. And we really believe in what we do. Um, and so we have some resources, you know, down in the notes, if you're, if you're interested for those of you that are interested in, in pursuing, you know, further, um, you know, uh, education and resources with us, we have, uh, you know, free downloads as well as a free masterclass. We also have our trainings and our groups and, and every kind of level of support that you can imagine. So, um, and, and again, if you found this episode helpful, we always would appreciate it if you'd subscribe and like, and share, because, you know, we really want to get this message out to people, right?


And, and, and this is something that you're wrestling with. We really want you to get better, right. Because you can get better. And that's, and I think that's the main thing to remember is just that it's not about the effort you're putting in. It's just that you've, you've probably been going just the wrong approach. And once we change our approach and we try something different and we really, we do things that are completely against what we would think to do. That's when we start to see the results that, um, that we've wanted. So thank you so much for hanging out today with us or with me. I'm sorry. And, uh, you know, um, I look forward to seeing you guys next week, happy new year, and I wish you guys an awesome 20, 21 take care.


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